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Finding the power and wisdom of God in the contradictions of the season

Large snow flakes fall from the grey sky and the birds sing.

Chemotherapy runs through my friend’s thin and weakened body as her eyes glisten with hope and a sweet smile emerges, lighting up her face.

Life On Purpose badgeI run my hands through my daughter’s soft curls and my fingers lightly glide over the deep caverns in her skull, as she whisper a sleepy and contented goodnight.

Signs of contradiction are all around us. Everyday we meet them and choose to either dismiss or acknowledge them.

These snowy days at the end of March mark a transition from winter to spring. Spring persists, in the small green buds emerging from the cold earth and in the birds’ song. Some grow weary of the winter snow. Others recognize the subtle signs of spring. For me, I am grateful that two coincide, even though they contradict, giving me a few last glimpses of the snow’s pure beauty, while whispering promises of spring.

A very dear friend of mine, a woman whose health and vitality far exceeds others’ 10 years her junior, was diagnosed last summer with colon cancer with liver involvement. Despite the life altering treatments she has endured since the fall, the battles with fatigue and the weekly trips to Manhattan, my beautiful friend glows. She really glows.

She came to our women’s breakfast last week. Her hair, which miraculously hasn’t fallen out, is soft and shiny as it frames her beautiful her face and beautiful smile. But her eyes were what struck me the most. They are bright and blue, glistening with hope. She came to our breakfast retreat, not seeking answers, but rather empowerment from women of faith and the God who loves them.

As I prayed over my friend with our retreat presenter, I was struck by her thin frame which exuded such strength. She was broken for sure, weary and tired from this battle against a disease that robbed her of her own mother years ago. But still, this battle weary woman was a warrior of hope, exuding strength that only people who have suffered loss can truly understand. She was humble in her desire for prayer and earnest in her faith that she would have what she needs for the days ahead.

I remarked to her about how beautiful she looked despite six months of treatments and major surgery on her liver. She smiled and laughed, “Yeah, that’s what everyone says,” almost seemingly surprised at her own countenance and strength.

That’s what everyone says about my daughter too. Many see just the smiles and hear the stories and the songs. Few know or understand the amount of pain she struggles through each day, starting in the wee hours of night.

Beneath the smiling exterior, there are scars that tell another story.

It struck me the other day as I was stroking her hair to go to sleep. Her head is like paved road that’s been worn down by massive storms. Her skull has craters from numerous surgeries. My mind recounts them as my fingers touch the surface of head. Still, she whispers sweet “I love you’s and goodnight” as she drifts off to sleep, mostly smiling as I remind her of the fun things she did in the daylight hours.

These beautiful women, the signs of spring when winter persists, remind me of what St. Paul calls, ‘the folly of the cross.’

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God……. to those whom God has called… Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.” (1 Cor 18, 24)

Most of the time, suffering seems foolish, or worse, a cruel trick on humanity which is supposedly born as hope-filled potential into an imperfect world. The ‘whys and why not’ crowd out the deeper questions of ‘how’ and make it hard to see wisdom and power in human suffering.

After Christmas we keep the our lighted garlands up as ‘winter lights’ to brighten up the dark of winter. With all this snow, we left our outside garland up as well, to turn on during dark snowy nights. Much to my son’s dismay, the garland is still outside, though we don’t turn it on anymore. I joked with my son and husband the other day that there are only 9 months left till Christmas. Good thing we got the garland up early.

However, this week, the remnants of Christmas and even the snow, reminded me of the hidden power and the wisdom of the cross. Today is Palm Sunday – the day we celebrate Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem- riding on a donkey. It was a procession fit for a king and seemed to be a foretelling of honor and glory, but it was not long lasting in this world.

It’s also the day that the Passion – Jesus’ journey to the Cross – is read in Christian churches throughout the world.

Just as joy and suffering are inextricably connected in my friend’s and my daughter’s struggles, so too through the cross, the power and wisdom of God is revealed. But the cross only makes sense in light of the message of Christmas: Emmanuel – God is with us.

This year, when I finally put my Christmas mangers away- I confess it was late February – I decided to keep one small manger up to remind me of this core message: God is with us. When I consider God becoming one of us, I’m encouraged and comforted. But it takes the foolishness of the cross, to completely understand just how far God went to be with us.

Not only did God become one of us, but He took upon Himself the fullest experience of human suffering, death itself, so that we might know the depth of Christ’s love and experience the fullness of eternal life.

Like the birds singing in an early spring snow, like the strength and beauty of my friend and my daughter who battle with disease, the cross and Christmas seem to bear contradictory messages of sorrow and hope. But the message of each of these circumstances complete one another, reminding us to embrace those contradictions to find the power and the wisdom of God.

 
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Benthal Eileen hed 14Eileen Benthal is a writer, speaker and wellness coach with a B.A. in Theology from Franciscan University. She is the author of Breathing Underwater: A Caregiver’s Journey of Hope.

Eileen and her husband Steve live in Jamesport and have four young adult children. Their youngest, Johanna, is a teenager with special needs.

Eileen can be reached at FreeIndeedFreelance.com.
 

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Eileen Benthal
Eileen is a writer, speaker and wellness coach with a bachelor’s degree in theology from Franciscan University. She and her husband Steve live in Jamesport and have four young adult children. Email Eileen