Sunshine sparkled on the water and children ran happily in the playground at Founders Landing in Southold on Sunday. The smell of barbecue hung fragrant in the air at The Wharf House and a DJ’s music lilted in the soft breeze as friends laughed and smiled, sharing stories and memories.
The gathering was held to mark the life and legacy of Capt. Joe Frohnhoefer, 71, who died last week after a battle with cancer. But rather than grieve at a traditional funeral service, a celebration of Frohnhoefer’s life was planned, a party — and that, according to his son Joseph, Jr., was exactly what his father had in mind.
“He had it all planned out,” he said. “This is what he wanted.”
“It’s exactly what he wanted,” Frohnhoefer’s daughter Kristen agreed. “He’d be upset if people were crying or upset.”
People came from near and far, some by boat, to share memories of just how deeply “Capt. Joe” has touched their lives.
Growing up with his dad, his son Joseph said, was an experience rich with life lessons. “He’d always let you try something,'” he said. “He said you could learn from your failures just as you could learn from your successes.”
Reflecting on his father, Joseph said, “He was always the visionary, the serial entrepreneur. He was the guy out front and we were always the people behind him. He was a very good starter and my mom, my sister and I were the finishers.”
Kristen said their mom was dubbed “St. Georgia” because of her patience and support of her husband’s dreams; the couple would have celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary this June. “Sea Tow wouldn’t have grown to what it is, without her,” she said.
Frohnhoefer, his son said, was “loving and caring. He’d give someone the shirt off his back. He’d drop everything he was doing to go and help people, he always made time for them. If someone came into the store, no matter what was going on, if something was wrong he’d listen to them and see what he could do to help.”
And his father, Joseph said, had a huge heart. “He never liked to charge anyone. At some point we gave him the nickname ‘Non-profit Joe’ because he was more concerned with helping people than getting paid.”
Sea Tow was launched when Joseph was eight years old; family memories are laced with working together on the boats and at his father’s other business, Water Thrills, Inc.
The family worked together, Kristen said, and her father imbued his children with a strong work ethic, to be “honest and ethical, in everything you do.” And also, she added, he believed in having fun. “That was his ‘f’ word,” she said.
Joseph, who has two children, Paige and Sam, hopes to instill “as much as possible” of his father into his own kids.
A shop teacher for many years, Frohnhoefer was adept at fixing things, his son said. “He instilled a love and respect for the water, and how to take care of things. That was his big thing — that when something is broken, you fix it. Things are not disposable.”
What bothered his father the most, Joseph said, was when someone told him an idea “wouldn’t work. He’d learn about it and figure out how to get it done.”
After learning of his father’s death, the community support has been “overwhelming,” Joseph said, with scores of Frohnhoefer’s former stories sharing their memories and stories of a “serial entrepreneur” who blazed new trails. “It wasn’t just the projects, it was the life lessons you learned in his class,” he said. “If you tried hard, you’d get an ‘A’. But if you had the potential and didn’t do the work, he’d fail you. He just wanted you to try your hardest.”
At the celebration of his life Sunday, others echoed similar loving stories, as fiercely devoted friends and colleagues shared personal experiences of how Capt. Joe irrevocably altered their lives.
Sea Tow was founded in 1983 by Frohnhoefer, after the U.S Coast Guard stopped responding to non-emergency calls, according to the business’s website. Today, Sea Tow has nearly 100 locations across the United States with additional offices in Europe and the Caribbean.
Devoted to his wife Georgia, his children Kristen and Joseph, and his two grandchildren, Frohnhoefer was deeply loved by many in the community, giving back in many ways, including life jacket initiatives and a Stuff a Boat drive during the holiday season to benefit the needy.
Before Sea Tow, Frohnhoefer left a lasting legacy as a member of the fire department, police force, and as a wood shop teacher.
People he’d touched came from all walks of life Sunday, their eyes glistening as they smiled at the memories. Sea Tow operators came from Connecticut, Boston, and from as far as Louisiana, committed to carrying on his legacy.
The many, many guests who attended, Kristen said, reflected just how deeply “he impacted people,” sometimes even saving their lives.
Both Capt. Les Trafford and commercial fisherman Scott Finne came to pay tribute. Trafford was the Sea Tow operator who heroically rescued Finne in 2013, when his boat capsized in the Shinnecock Inlet.
At the time, Frohnhoefer said the best and most meaningful days of his own life were those when “you can save a life.”
On Sunday, Trafford said he and Frohnhoefer, close friends, hit it off from the outset; the pair had spoken just last week. “He was just a really good guy. I’m really going to miss him.” The two were totally honest and shared a deep and abiding respect, he said.
Frohnhoefer, Trafford said, helped him through the death of his wife, calling to check up on him.
When he heard his friend has passed away, Trafford said, “I was in shock. I just couldn’t believe it. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”
After his harrowing experience, Finne is forever grateful to Frohnhoefer and Sea Tow. “Words can’t express what it means to me to be here to celebrate his life,” he said. What he shared with Capt. Joe, he said, was “a true friendship. I told him I was forever indebted to him. I am forever grateful. Not a day goes by that I don’t tell the story of how my life was saved.”
His rescue, Finne said, led him to become actively involved in promoting Sea Tow’s life jacket safety program; while he had a life jacket the day the boat capsized, he was not wearing it.
Frohnhoefer, Finne said, was an inspiration. “He treated everyone as a friend. No matter who you are, we are all human,” he said, added that he’d learned an immeasurable lesson in humility and compassion from the captain.
Tom Kehlenbach, a Connecticut Sea Town captain, and Ken Cavanagh, who operates his Sea Tow franchise out of Westchester, said Frohnhoefer shaped their lives.
Both began working for Sea Town in their early 20s. “He definitely was our Sea Tow dad,” Cavanagh said. “He took us under his wing and molded us into the people we are today.”
Frohnhoefer instilled values such as honor, respect, and courage, and led by example, they said.
“And fortitude,” Kehlenbach added. “Stick-to-itiveness.”
“It was an awful day for us when we learned a big part of our family passed away,” Cavanagh said; they were so close that he sent both Georgia and Capt. Joe Mother’s and Father’s Day cards every year.
“There’s a big hole missing from my life,” Kehlenbach said. “My family, my daughter, everything we have, my whole life is because of Sea Tow.”
Craig Goldsmith, second assistant chief with the Southold Fire Department, said Frohnhoever was “just one of those guys who was always around to help you.” At a fire scene, Goldsmith said Capt. Joe, who served with the department for 43 years and was an ex-chief with Packard Hose, “was big on driving the heavy rescue truck. If we had a collapse, he was there. He is one of those irreplaceable people.”
Reflecting on a friendship forged in high school and lasted as the two taught in the same classroom, Bob Fisher smiled, “His heart was as big as his belly.”
Fisher was with Frohnhoefer, fondly called “Joe Fro” by his students, the first time the idea for Sea Tow was born. “He said, ‘I’m going to become the AAA on the water,” he said. When told Frohnhoefer was going to stop teaching to focus on his new business, Fisher said he was skeptical. “But he never looked back,” Fisher said, and the business became an international success.
The men were friends over the years as their children were born, Fisher said. “There are too many memories — and all of them good,” he said.
Joseph McCarthy, chaplain with the Southold Fire Department, counted over 45 years of treasured friendship with Frohnhoefer. “He was an extremely unique individual,” he said. “He was larger than life, a figure that will never, ever be replaced. He will live in our hearts and minds forever, and there will be remembrances of him in Southold everywhere you turn. Joe made the world a better place for untold numbers of people — and he loved every bit of it.”
Remembering his years as bay constable, Town Clerk Elizabeth Neville said Frohnhoefer said he left a rich legacy “He’s going to be missed by so many,” she said.
As the sun shone on the many guests gathered outside on the lawn, Kristen Frohnhoeffer said the event was a community effort, with food and spirits donated with open hearts. Together, she and her brother toasted their father. “Let’s lift a glass to Dad,” she said.
And as they did, they surveyed the celebration, saw the smiles instead of tears, heard the laughter instead of crying, and noted that their father, again, was a trailblazer, with many saying they hoped one day the ending of their own lives would be marked by a party, not a funeral.
“This is exactly what Dad wanted,” Joseph Jr. said once again, smiling.
