Last week, I finally landed at home after a whirlwind of travelling I did for family and professional reasons.
In the midst of the busyness, we finally did take time to for our annual family retreat in Cape May, NJ. I thought that’s where I’d catch up on my sleep. I was wrong. Family retreat is a few steps above camping. There’s a house, meals and real bathrooms. But the schedule we kept was early rising and late nights.
When you travel anywhere with a child with special needs there are always many other things to think about, including medications and managing morning and bedtime routines away from home. I only know a handful of people who travel with copies of their child’s most recent brain MRI tucked into their suitcase.
So, by the time I was sitting on my front porch to pray last Sunday morning, I was exhausted. My prayer journal reflected the craziness of the summer. My journal entries read more like an itinerary than reflections: “travel day from Florida…flight to Chicago… rosary walk on the beach.”
As I read over my prayer journal, it was a flurry of those quick entries interspersed with long, heartfelt letters of grief over the loss of my sister and frustration with my own exhaustion. This was hardly a summer of relaxation and restoration. It seemed like a lot of work and a little play.
This particular morning as I sat on my front porch in prayer, watching the sun rising over the trees, I opened my bible to this reading:
Elijah went a day’s journey into the desert,
until he came to a broom tree and sat beneath it.
He prayed for death saying:
“This is enough, O LORD!
Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”
He lay down and fell asleep under the broom tree,
but then an angel touched him and ordered him to get up and eat.
Elijah looked and there at his head was a hearth cake
and a jug of water.
After he ate and drank, he lay down again,
but the angel of the LORD came back a second time,
touched him, and ordered,
“Get up and eat, else the journey will be too long for you!”
He got up, ate, and drank;
then strengthened by that food,
he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb. 1 Kings 19: 4-8
I had to laugh out loud at this reading. It’s times like this, when a daily reading accurately describes how I am feeling, that remind me I serve a personal and loving God. On this morning where I faced my own exhaustion, my sweet Savior used an ancient text to show me He cares about me.I felt very much like Elijah that morning. ‘This is enough, O LORD!” (vs. 4)
I couldn’t have said it any better. And while I did not pray for God to take my life, (there’s just too much left to do), I certainly was ready to lay down under a broom tree and sleep for the rest of the summer. However, considering that I had a full day ahead of me, I opted to keep reading and reflecting on this scripture for wisdom in my struggles.
This Old Testament prophet had fought many struggles by the time he got to this state of exhaustion. But in the chapter preceding this one, Elijah had witnessed God answering his prayer. A miracle occurred which caused people to proclaim, “ The Lord is the true God!” 1 King 18:39. This chapter even ends stating that “ the Lord energized Elijah with power” (verse 40).
Most of us can relate both to seeing God answer prayers and feeling overwhelmed by our circumstances to the point of exhaustion, crying out, “Enough!”
As I continued to reflect on this reading, I imagined the angel of the Lord waking me and calling me to get up and eat.
This scripture reminds me that God really cares for our temporal needs. Jesus came to put flesh on all that love and to show us that God is with us in the day to day to joys and in the struggles of life.
This morning I knew God was speaking to me, not just in spiritual terms, but with earthly and practical wisdom as well. While I have no idea what a hearth cake is (maybe Laurie Nigro has a recipe for it), I know eating a variety of foods in as natural state as possible helps to sustain me in struggles. The Holy Spirit is always working in me to refine my eating habits to help me live a whole and holy life. God provides us with such gifts in the natural world to strengthen us for the long journey ahead.
While I am naturally a morning person, this past year, I’ve struggled with more fatigue than ever before. I wonder if the medications I take to combat MS are really suppressing my body’s ability to fight off exhaustion. While there is rarely an angel to wake me (it’s usually a dog’s wet nose), I am prompted each morning to get up and eat. Most days I respond well.
I have learned through many years of trial and error and prayerful reflection that there are some practical suggestions which help to sustain me for journey. Eating a diet rich and whole foods and drinking pure water really helps to quiet the inflammation in my body that occurs with stress. Taking time each day to pray and write (even if my journal looks like an itinerary) helps me to gain perspective on daily life.
Just getting up out of bed is good, exercising is even better. This time last year, I was running 3-4 times a week and training for the Jamesport Fire Department’s Sound to Bay 5K. It’s next week, by the way and you can still sign up! This year, as my daughter Johanna reminds me in her teenage tone, my run is more of jog. I decided I’m still going to do that 5K, but at a walk/jog pace that works for me.
Lest I think that the angel of the Lord was only suggesting hearth cakes and water, God reminds me every day that He is my ultimate power food. God’s Word is really here to feed us and sustain us on the journey. As a Catholic, I believe God’s feeds me in the scriptures and in the sacrament of Holy Communion. I love to get to daily Mass, but that’s not always possible with the life I lead.
Just a few days ago, as I was preparing to head out for daily Mass, my daughter woke up with a terrible headache. She has been struggling some time with headaches which wake her at night and in the early morning. While I longed for the quiet time of Mass, I knew this day the angel of the Lord was going to feed me through attending to my daughter’s needs. I told the Lord that I was sorry I wouldn’t be making it to Mass, as I rocked Johanna in my arms and pointed out the sunrise peaking over the trees.
On that lovely morning the angel of the Lord didn’t offer me hearth cakes, but rather God reminded me that “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes Me” (Mark 9:37).
I’ll keep rising to greet the Lord, knowing at church and at home, with food and grace, God always provides strength for the journey.
Eileen Benthal is a writer, speaker and wellness coach with a B.A. in Theology from Franciscan University. She is the author of Breathing Underwater: A Caregiver’s Journey of Hope.
Eileen and her husband Steve live in Jamesport and have four young adult children. Their youngest, Johanna, is a teenager with special needs.
Eileen can be reached at CareforaCaregiver.com.
