I think I may be the only person who doesn’t love when my kids go back to school. I saw all the smiling faces of the moms and dads when those buses started rolling. Though it seems great in theory, I cannot not share in the joy.
I much prefer having my kids home. Life is less complicated and a whole lot less busy. Most of their summer activities occur during the day, so after the husband and I return from work, we can all relax together. The beginning of school in our house means long days, followed by evening activities that make dinnertime a marvel of scheduling wizardry.
Perhaps my inability to revel in the new routine is a hold over from my homeschooling days. I vividly remember laying in bed, just grasping the first tendrils of consciousness, when the rumbling diesel engine powered past my house, bringing hoards of children with it. I would feel a special glee as I rolled over and snuggled deeper into my blankets.
Or maybe it’s because I have one child who loathes change and one for whom change creates manic euphoria. And the both of them hate uniforms. There is much complaining.
My wee princess is so excited during the early days of a new school year that she terrifies me. Remember the twins from The Shining? They were disturbingly emotionless ghosts that materialized and scared the ba-jesus out of everyone. Well, that’s kind of how I woke up the first day of school. I had the creepy feeling that I was being watched. I opened my eyes and there’s my peppy fifth grader, groomed and in full uniform, hair clip in place, silently staring at me, one and a half hours before the bus was scheduled to arrive. I totally did not want to play with her.
My oldest spends the first month in a constant state of misery. It’s like living with an angry Eeyore. No amount of joy or merriment can penetrate the gloom and despair. You would think I was sending him to a work camp. I suppose, in a sense, that I am. Except he’s way better fed.
And speaking of feeding, can we talk about lunch boxes? I have never let the school “food” pass my children’s lips, but I can see the appeal of simply paying someone else to nourish them. Packing lunches makes me feel like Sisyphus, constantly filling their bags to the brim, only to have them returned, empty and filthy, hours later. I clocked it one day. It takes me 45 minutes to pack lunches for two children. Granted, it’s plausible that I am overfeeding them, but no one likes a hungry child. Especially my hungry children. Remember the angry Eeyore? Hungry, angry Eeyore is a punishment I don’t deserve.
That’s another thing that drives me nuts about school. Why can’t kids have more regular access to food? Hasn’t study after study shone that kids cannot learn when they are hungry? During state tests they can have all sorts of food stuff, but on the regular, they get 20 minutes to shove whatever they can down their gullets. A room full of ravenous little (and some, not so little) people? That would be my own personal hell.
There is one aspect of back-to-school that I do cherish. It’s always been something that brings me joy on a level that is not rational and probably not healthy. I love school supply shopping.
My kids get their class supply lists with their last report card. I spend weeks in glorious anticipation of the coming shop. I patiently wait for the transformation of the back section of Target. It becomes a wonderland of fresh notebooks, unsharpened pencils, sturdy book bags and shiny binders.
While my kids follow along, some with more excitement then others (teenagers are a real kill-joy sometimes), I gleefully peruse the neatly typed list. Do you want multi-colored post-its or just the yellow? What color ruler would you prefer this year? And should it be flexible or rigid? How one could not care about these decisions and just haphazardly toss items into the cart while staring intently at the glowing screen that is ever-present, is beyond me. It’s like Christmas morning and he’s missing it! Baffling.
This year, my 17-year-old niece had the unique opportunity to join us on our shopping excursion. Though not there to purchase any of her own items, she was amazed, and a little frightened, by my vigor. At first, she just shook her head and laughed at me. But when I tasked the boy child with the acquisition of 20, single-subject notebooks, all wide-ruled, and no red ones, she could no longer contain herself. Her voice raised in dismay.
“Wait, how many? Why? Why are you getting 20 notebooks? How many notebooks do they need?”
The answer was five. My kids only needed five notebooks. But every year, the single subject notebooks are offered in the back-to-school sale for less then 20 cents each. And every year we buy at least 20. And every year, the stash is completely gone by the next year’s shopping extravaganza. Maybe next year I’ll get 30.
In between terrifying wake-up calls and daily uniform laundry, I still found the time to waste over an hour shopping for reusable sandwich and snack bags. Did you know there are entire blogs dedicated to reviewing and rating these items? It made me feel so much less crazy to know that other women also obsess about these things. But when I realized that I had spent precious free time reading reviews of products I already own (maybe they had some insight I needed to know), all feelings of sanity quickly disappeared. I think I could have made my own in less time. Except I’d probably need to know how to sew.
If you do know how to sew, you can make your own with very little effort. There are a ridiculous amount of patterns out there. I like this one because there is actually a chance that my limited skills could pull it off. DIY Mommy offers a pattern that she says only takes 15 minutes (and if you follow the link, she has pictures to help). I think she’s overly optimistic. But then again, I don’t know how to use a sewing machine so I think I’m at a disadvantage.
Materials (for one 6 1/2″ x 6 1/2″ snack bag):
2 pieces of laminated cotton (or another material you choose) that measure at least 7 1/2 x 16 1/2″
a roll of 1″ wide velcro
sewing machine & thread
paper clips to hold slippery fabric in place (optional)
Instructions:
Cut out two rectangles of laminated cotton that measure 7 1/2 ” wide by 16 1/2″ long. Place them right sides together and sew around three sides (using a 1/2″ seam allowance), leaving one short end open. You can choose to keep the fabrics in place with paper clips as you sew.
Turn the rectangle right-side-out, and then fold the short edges in about 1/2″ and topstitch to close the remaining short end.
Finger press around the perimeter of the rectangle (you can’t use an iron on laminated cotton). Cut a piece of velcro that’s about 6″ long, and sew the “hook” side to the top edge of your rectangle (use the side without the topstitching) and the “loop” side to the opposite end of the rectangle (but place it on the back of the rectangle and about 2″ from the edge).
Fold the bottom edge up as shown, so that the bottom velcro is facing outward and its edge is about 2 1/2″ inches from the top edge as shown. Secure with paper clips if you wish, and then topstich around three sides of the snack bag, securing the sides and finishing the flap.
Am I alone in my back-to-school displeasure? If you have any suggestions for getting this school thing down without becoming an alcoholic, I’d sure appreciate the insight. Shoot me an email at laurie@riverheadlocal.com.
