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Laurie Nigro:
On becoming a woman: When it’s time for ‘the talk’ with your daughter, forget moon parties, miracles and mystique

Photo: Iakov Filimonov/123rf.com

I have a tween daughter — and all the joys and sorrows that come along with it. Last year in school, they showed “the movie” and then had “the talk” with all the girls in her grade. The two of us had already read books, had discussions and covered all the bases, but there’s something very different about going through it with your classmates.

Nigro_Laurie_badgeOf course, parents are encouraged to continue the conversation after school. I very clearly remember having that day with my own mother and always appreciated her open and welcoming manner during what could have been a very awkward chat. OK, it was still awkward, but she really tried. As a mother myself, I now understand that it’s not something one particularly enjoys.

However, I recognize the importance of being emotionally available and have always strived to answer my child’s questions with honesty and clarity — whilst simultaneously not scaring the bejeezus out of her.

See, I had two older sisters. I spent my entire childhood chasing their footsteps, hoping to catch up. Everything about getting older held an unattainable mystique and I felt a constant urgency to get where they were.

I wanted braces and high heels. I wanted to ride my bicycle across the main road and understand all the letters written to Dear Abby. I actually looked forward to getting my period. I could not wait to finally join the women in my family. I imagined I would achieve an immediate maturity when I entered this famed stage of womanhood; that I would at once be wise and important. Basically, I was an idiot.

So I’m already preparing for the hate mail on this one, but I refuse to tell my daughter how great it is to get your period. I will not invite her friends over for a moon party or have a gathering of women who will welcome her with open arms into the sacred fellowship of femininity.

Trust me, I didn’t take the topic lightly and for many years, I tried, really hard, to take the other side. I’ve been to moon parties on the beach, timed with the tides. I’ve made inspirational jewelry and worn red clothes to gatherings. I was upbeat and cheerful, partying like only a woman in deep denial is able to do.

Because let’s be honest here, periods suck.

Yes, of course, our cycle grants us the greatest joy in the world. Only women can ever experience the complete miracle of growing a baby. It is such a beautiful and inexplicable feeling to know that someone is coming to existence inside your own body. We’re freaking super heroes.

But even if you want a whole ton of kids, you only need to ovulate like 15 times, maybe 20, assuming there are a few misses. The rest of the time, like 40 years worth, is a major inconvenience. There is never a time that a woman says, “Oh yay, I have my period. Isn’t that great timing.”

OK, there’s maybe one time that women say that, but once the relief has passed, they’re generally back to unhappy. Or at least ambivalent. Because there’s little happiness to be found in bloating, cramping and ravenous (insert any food here) cravings.

When my daughter asks, I will not try to sugar coat the misery that comes along with being a woman. Neither will I be a bringer of doom, like that strange woman at the supermarket who, when you’re pregnant, tells you her 13-day-labor horror story that ended with a C-section and loss of a portion of her liver.

But I have decided that honesty is the best policy. Because all that camaraderie, those poetry circles and moonlight beach walks, really set you up for massive disappointment when you’re up at 3 a.m. changing all your clothes. And the sheets.

It’s like when I was a brand new mom, trying to survive depression and keep my sanity, and I read this article by a woman who wrote how much she enjoyed getting up with her baby in the middle of the night for feedings. It allowed her quiet time, alone with her child, to bond.

Women who sing songs about the perfection of menstruation are the same. Either they’ve both lost their freaking minds (which I suppose is possible; both sleep deprivation and excessive blood loss can cause mental confusion) or they’re just trying to make the rest of us feel bad.

Because sometimes, I prayed to whatever benevolent god that would listen, that my baby sleep for the next three weeks. Straight through. And I have definitely cursed all the wretched gods when it feels like I’m being stabbed repeatedly in the gut while my lower back is being set on fire. It doesn’t mean I am any less of a woman. It just means that I don’t see anywhere in those situations to celebrate anything.

So when the time comes for my little girl, I’ll make her some tea, give her a hug and buy her a big a$$ box of chocolate. Because that will make it better.

Until then, I’ll let her enjoy all the things that come with being a kid. Like braces. I think they’ll be gluing those fun little guys to her teeth any day now. So at least she’ll be used to pain and misery.

I’m sure we’ll be making all sorts of dietary adjustments the first week of braces. Superhealthykids.com (http://www.superhealthykids.com/getting-braces-meal-plan-for-the-first-week/) made a whole menu plan. While I have a deep appreciation for all menus, I am sure my tween will have plenty of input so I think we’ll do it a little more free form. I do plan to try the super healthy muesli recipe, though. We really enjoy muesli but have yet to find one that is GF. This recipe looks simple and totally adaptable.

Muesli

1 cup oats
(you can use rolled oats, oat groats, or quick oats)
1 to 1 1/2 cups liquid
(coconut milk, regular milk, yogurt, juice, etc.)
1 tsp sweetener
(honey, agave, organic brown sugar, date sugars, or nothing at all)
fruit
(dry raisins, apricots, bananas, dates, or add fresh grapes, cantaloupe, strawberries, raspberries, bananas)
Optional: Nuts or seeds

Put oats, liquid, and sweetener combined in fridge overnight. Add nuts and fruit in the morning.

Laurie’s note: With braces, avoid all dried fruits. Nothing says “I’m going to drink heavily after this” like picking raisins out of a wailing child’s sore teeth.
Laurie Nigro, a mother of two, is passionate about her family, her community, and natural living. Laurie resides in downtown Riverhead and is co-founder of the River and Roots Community Garden on West Main Street.
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Laurie Nigro
Laurie is the mother of two biological children and one husband and the caretaker of a menagerie of animals. Laurie is passionate about frugal, natural living. She was recognized by the L.I. Press Club with a “best humor column” award in 2016. Email Laurie