So, that was winter break, huh? I simultaneously feel like it just began and that my kids have been without structure or education, wandering aimlessly around the house in their pajamas with various electronic devices surgically attached to their hands, since the beginning of time.
If my kids could choose a name for their vacation, it would probably be, “the week we wore our pajamas. All day. Every day.” I like to be comfortable as much as the next person. I truly believe that God gave us sweat pants to make us happy. However, after 24 hours in the same sweat pants, I would feel compelled to change. Actually, I just wouldn’t spend 24 hours in the same clothes.
There was no such compunction for my offspring. As a matter of fact, I think they took pride in their filth. They were unfazed when I suggested that perhaps their clothes would begin fusing to their skin. They were not embarrassed to invite friends over while they were clad in fleecy pants, covered with peace signs or puppies wearing Santa hats. Clearly, peer pressure is not a concern at our house.
Though I was bothered by the lack of cleanliness, I’m not going to lie, the decrease in laundry was pretty great. On a normal day, I need to do one to two loads of laundry to keep up. While in school, the wee ones are in uniforms. In order to cut down on costs, I only ordered two sets for each child. If you do the math, you’ll quickly realize that I must launder their clothes everyday, because the school frowns upon uniform violations and let’s be honest, we all frown upon public nudity, particularly Child Protective Services.
Therefore, it’s laundry every day. And this chore is not a burden we all share. It’s all me, all the time. I have shown them how to do laundry, but there is always a ready excuse. “I can’t reach the laundry soap,” says the youngest. “I don’t touch anyone else’s underwear,” declares the oldest.
Then there’s the fact that we have no dryer. All the wet clothes must be hung on drying racks. There is a right way, and many, many wrong ways to hang laundry. Though I feel this goes without saying, it seems the residents with whom I share my home do not feel the same. You would be amazed, and hopefully horrified, at the lack of precision they use in this task. I have actually come across shirts that were taken directly from the washer and placed on the drying rack in exactly the same shape. They dry unevenly and take the form of a trash heap. It gives me a twitch.
I’ve gone so far as to hold laundry-hanging sessions, to no avail. Part of me suspects this is an elaborate ruse. If they keep screwing up, they think I will eventually stop demanding they try. Clearly they’ve underestimated dear old mom. Instead, my plan is to spend this last day of vacation holding a laundry seminar. The agenda will include:
A light continental breakfast followed by a lecture series* taught by me, Laundry Veteran and accredited Drying Technologist
Introduction: My clothes are dirty. And they smell, too. What do I do?
Session I: The washing machine, friend or foe?
Session II: Yes, there is such a thing as too much soap.
Lunch break (all dishes must be cleared before returning to the seminar)
Session III: A twisted wreck, or, why you must respect the drying rack.
Session IV: Examples and demonstrations (this will be a hands-on session)
*This will be a mandatory course for all who hope to remain as residents under my roof.
While I’m educating the assembled masses, my husband should have plenty of time to start prepping for our return to real life. Clothes need to be laid out, science fair projects need to be packed up for transport, lunches need to be prepared and snacks need to be made. One of my recent favorites for the lunchbox is a recipe I found on Facebook. I’d love to give credit to the creator, but it was unsigned. Whoever it is, he or she is a genius. These bites are really just perfect.
No-bake energy bites
1 cup dry oatmeal
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup flaxmeal
1/3 cup honey
1 tsp. vanilla
Mix all ingredients in a large bowl. Roll into balls. Store in the refrigerator. If you have a nut allergy, I would try these with sunflower seed butter. It’s the consistency that’s important.
What kinds of fabulous and exciting things did you do during this vacation? If it involved lots of fun with laundry, feel free to commiserate with me at laurie@riverheadlocal.com.
