As my daughter, Johanna and I stepped off the plane, the tropical air warmed our bodies. It was nice to get away from the lingering winter and the slow-to-start spring and summer that plagued our lovely North Fork. This week, Johanna and I flew to help my Mom move back up to Connecticut, after she’d lived in South Florida for over 15 years.
After visiting her kids in Connecticut and staying with me over Mother’s Day weekend, Mom realized she really missed being around young kids and her other adult children and grandchildren. She also acknowledged that she might need help if her health declines. Three of my siblings live in Connecticut, so she could easily have their help and I could reach her as needed when she moves back home.
It had been many years since I visited Florida and even longer for Johanna. We had two missions: to pack Mom’s condo and to visit with my older sister and her family. As I drove the rental car on the way to my sister’s home, my mind was filled with memories of growing up in the shadow of my sister, Marita.
Marita was five when I was born. My mother used to tell the story of how Marita prayed to God for a baby brother or sister so that “Mom won’t be lonely when I go to kindergarten.” As the good Lord loves to answer the prayers of children, my mother gave birth to me, the seventh of her eight children, just in time for Christmas. I knew beyond any doubt that I was a gift from God. If I ever questioned it, my big sister was there to prove me wrong.
While I knew I was gifted, it wasn’t easy following in the footsteps of Marita. She was extremely outgoing, fun to be around and very athletic. She started every season on the high school varsity teams for field hockey, basketball, softball and had an impeccable rhythm to dance like the music would never end. Despite the limelight, she always affirmed me in my musical gifts. She proudly encouraged my gift of voice as she walked around the neighborhood with me while I gave concerts to the neighbors. And when the neighborhood boys teased me, my big sister went after them and threatened to beat them up if they ever bothered me again. They never did as long as Marita was around.
I remember sobbing for weeks when she left for college. Even though it was just an hour away, it was a long distance call from a pay phone and a drive that took some planning for my parents’ busy lives. I was in middle school then and I really needed her more than ever. Then, as I entered high school, she would come home to visit and check up on me from time to time. I remember one day in particular, we climbed to the top of a mountain near our home in Connecticut. We talked for hours and hours as I shared with Marita that I was struggling with depression. She comforted me and hugged me and stroked my hair and let me know everything would be all right.
As usual, she was right. I soon left for college and the rest is history. Marita was in my wedding and I was 8 months pregnant as I sang for her wedding two years later. She moved to Florida to start life anew with her husband and later gave birth to two beautiful children. We mostly talked on the phone to stay in touch. Though the distance separated us, and lives with our kids held our attention, the bond between us was rekindled with a simple “I love you” on the other end of the phone.
The last time I saw Marita was two years ago at a family wedding in Connecticut. Winning a battle against MS with the athletic prowess she was born with, Marita was challenged again with a seemingly speedy progression of Parkinsons that threatened her physical and cognitive functions. My superstar sister was now reduced to the simplicity of a child as my elderly mother helped to guide her through the crowds and care for her at the family wedding.
Now as I drove towards my sister’s home in South Florida, I struggled to explain to Johanna the complexities of Marita’s diagnosis. Like most things with Johanna, the Lord seems to fill in the gaps for my inadequate explanations and gives my daughter the wisdom that is needed for the next step ahead. My niece warned me that it was possible that my sister wouldn’t recognize me or Johanna and I wanted to prepare for the worst as we hoped for the best.
When we walked through the door, though, every fear was put aside as Marita’s eyes lit up and she called out “Jo!” and smiled from ear to ear. When she finally did say hello to me, we hugged for a very long time. As I choked back the tears, Marita put her face in mine, stared deeply into my eyes and said something I will never forget.
“I’m still here.”
I gasped for a moment as she uttered those words, my mind traveling back to the hide and seek games we’d play for hours on those dark summer nights. Just when I’d given of hope of finding her, Marita beat me to home base to remind me that indeed she was there all the time.
Those three words set the tone for the days ahead. My niece and I have been working hard to pack up my almost 90-year-old Mom who told me to stop emailing this column to her because she’s figured out that “Google thing.” Johanna sings to Marita as Marita points out to Johanna all the relatives in the countless family pictures that we are taking off the walls to be carefully wrapped for the journey home. So far, they number close to a hundred.
In the last two days there have been many moments that show me that Marita’s “still here” for sure. She, like Johanna, is searching my soul with her deep blue eyes and her bright smile, as she signs “I love you,” from across the room. Her disabilities have brought out the best in Johanna as Jo strives to entertain her aunt with stories and songs.
Just as the Lord answered Marita’s simple childhood prayer for a baby with my birth, I know He will hear her again in this new childlike season of her beautiful life. As she gave me confidence and showed me how to grow in my gifts, so in this childlike state, she reminds me of some of the most important words that Jesus spoke to his disciples and to each one of us.
“Let the children come unto me and do not hinder them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14)
