How was your Halloween? Ours was pretty awesome. It pretty much always is because we have great friends who throw fabulous Halloween parties. This year, we were extra excited because it was on a Saturday, allowing for more hours of merriment that usually consists of embarrassing our children and preventing them from overdosing on sugar. Sometimes, all at once.
Weeknight Halloween is always a challenge. By the time my people get home from work and school, pull together costumes and prepare a dish for the potluck, we’re too tired to enjoy the festivities. OK, just Brian and I are too tired. Those kids are like damn possessed Energizer bunnies, except less pink and way more annoying. But once we get there and start the adult portion of the trick-or-treating (this consists of pouring wine into a glass and saying, “Happy Halloween,” to whomever is nearby), all is well.
Knowing a Saturday Halloween allowed us all day to prepare, we decided to go big and bring a more involved dish. I even said to myself, “There is so much time. We definitely won’t be late this year.” Right there I should’ve known. Like the actor who gets a role in Star Trek and is handed a red shirt, it was the kiss of death. But I maintained my denial and even spared an hour for some college football.
Honestly, I would have been fine if I hadn’t forgotten about Brian Time. This is a unit of measure that cannot be confined by the bounds of earthly time. Seconds, minutes, even hours are not immune to the fickle nature of Brian Time. Brian Time says things like, “When do we have to be there?” and I answer, “In 15 minutes and it’s 20 minutes away,” to which he replies, “OK great, I’m just going to shower and shave.”
Brian Time says other terrible things like, “You don’t always have to be on time.” I mean, those words are just hurtful. Has he no regard for my crippling OCD? Even if there is no regard for my own suffering, you would think there would be some sense of self-preservation. Late Laurie is inextricably bound to Angry Laurie. And that rage is usually directed most intensely at the cause of the lateness.
However, though his recipe called for 45 minutes of baking time with an additional prep time exceeding 15 minutes, Brian Time calculated he could begin the process exactly one hour prior to the start of the party. The biggest problem with BT is that sometimes, it works. Sometimes, he is able to bend time to his will. It is these past successes that have given him the hubris to push the boundaries and skate the time-line.
This time, Father Time invited his friend Murphy to the battle. We never stood a chance.
Half way through cooking, we started to notice an unusual amount of smoke coming from the oven’s exhaust. No problem, just turn on the exhaust fan. Shortly thereafter, we noticed the exhaust fan was unable to keep up and began opening windows. Now, we’ve made this recipe before and though delicious, there have been issues that we sought to remedy. However, none of them should have yielded excessive smoke so we began to search for the cause.
We made a few different adjustments but the smoke kept coming. I was starting to have flashbacks to bad 80s dance parties mixed with backyard BBQs. Not a good visual. The kids were aggravated that we would be late and also by the fact that it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe.
Meanwhile, we’ve still got kids showing up to trick-or-treat who may or may not have thought that we were really getting into the spirit of things with the spooky smoke and the three large dogs that barked and snarled like Cujo every time a child approached our door.
All the while, the minutes were ticking by and I could feel my rage-o-meter starting to rise. During one of the oven checks, Brian noticed that there now seemed to be a small fire in the bottom of the oven. In a gas stove, this can be particularly problematic. Additionally, there was a hoard of adorable princesses and Star Wars characters making their way towards our front steps and the dogs were loose in the house, ready to jump at the front window and scare the bejeezus out of the threatening toddlers.
While Brian and I were discussing the pros and cons of using the fire extinguisher (opening the oven at all could be a huge mistake. Maybe it’s best to let whatever was burning just fizzle out. We’re definitely not using this much oil next time), and also trying to contain the dogs, who had sensed a disturbance in the force, my 14-year-old son said, “So is it OK if I just leave now?”
It really wasn’t his fault. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, asking an asinine question. But that was it. The rage-o-meter had reached the danger zone and I exploded, sputtering and spewing in incredulity.
“Are you freaking kidding me? There is a GD fire in our oven. I am holding two large dogs by the collar, trying to restrain them so they don’t give some parent a heart attack or some child life-long nightmares (as an aside, our dogs are super-friendly and love everyone. Unless you’re coming to the door, in which case they assume you are here to kill us all. Then they are just trying to protect us, as well as let every living thing, within a two mile radius, know that we are under attack. They will not let that stroller overrun us). You are completely capable of helping with all of these things and yet, you are decidedly not helping. DO SOMETHING!”
At this point, the boy stepped it up considerably. He walked each dog, assigned his sister to candy duty, at the base of the driveway, and then quietly slipped out. Right about then, my mother came by and swooped away the girl child, leaving Brian and I alone to contemplate our decision-making skills.
Though Brian Time had failed us, the fire had extinguished itself. The food was, in theory, ready to go. We donned our costumes, put the candy on the front porch so our house didn’t get egged and headed out. I was definitely ready for adult trick-or-treating.
The recipe was for chicken wings and they are really, really good. However, whatever you do, DO NOT use a baking sheet without sides or the oil will run off the edges and as it hits the 400 degree oven, it will spew smoke into your house. On a positive note, we discovered that our smoke detector needed new batteries.
We found the recipe here (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/166638/baked-buffalo-wings/)
Buffalo Chicken Wings
Ingredients
3/4 cup all-purpose flour (we used Gluten Free and it worked perfectly)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
20 chicken wings
1/2 cup melted butter
1/2 cup hot pepper sauce (such as Frank’s RedHot)
Directions
Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil (Laurie’s note: we used parchment paper because we found they stuck to the aluminum foil. Due to this change, next time I will use a lot less oil. And a pan with sides), and lightly grease. Place the flour, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, and salt into a resealable plastic bag, and shake to mix. Add the chicken wings, seal, and toss until well coated with the flour mixture. Place the wings onto the prepared baking sheet, and place into the refrigerator. Refrigerate at least 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
Whisk together the melted butter and hot sauce in a small bowl. Dip the wings into the butter mixture, and place back on the baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven until the chicken is no longer pink in the center, and crispy on the outside, about 45 minutes. Turn the wings over halfway during cooking so they cook evenly.
Laurie Nigro, a mother of two, is passionate about her family, her community, and natural living. Laurie resides in downtown Riverhead and is co-founder of the River and Roots Community Garden on West Main Street.
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