If you know me and my family, or you follow my blog, you’ll know that I am not a huge fan of the beach. Having kids (which meant having to pack more than a towel and diet coke) really put a whole damper on the sand and surf thing for me. I have become super appreciative of the pool in my backyard. There, we have access to a (mostly) clean bathroom, fresh drinking water and more food than any one person could need, even picky persons who won’t eat the grapes because they’re too “crunchy.” (Seriously, though, what can’t sand get into?)
And yet, each year, I schedule a 10-day vacation at the beach.
The first year we started this, it was in lieu of a much anticipated Girls Gone Mild (because we were 40) BFF trip to some tropical paradise. My husband and I had made some unfortunate financial decisions and five days of freedom and sun in the Bahamas morphed into an extended week of family fun and/or insanity in Montauk.
I convinced myself it would be fun. I would have fun. My husband and kids would have fun. My extended family would have fun. I would will it to happen. In the end, the trip was fairly disobedient and not quite as fun as I had willed it to be, but we all made it home alive, so that was something.
The second year, we scheduled the trip and sent the menfolk off – along with a slew of varied aged children – to get started without us while my mother, sister and I took a long-awaited trip to Europe. We would then meet them at the beach, refreshed and rejuvenated, thrilled to see our loved ones.
Instead, both trips were plagued with accidents and injuries. After the third medical emergency, I called it quits. I cried “uncle,” cleaned the house, washed the sheets, packed the car and dragged the whole lot of us home to nurse our wounds. Literally.
One would think that that would have been enough. One would think that when it becomes clear that the beach actually hates you, you would stay away. One would think that since the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, you would make a sane choice. One would think wrong.
Hey, third time’s a charm, right?
For this year’s adventure, we scheduled the trip to end on the day that we’re throwing a party for my parents’ anniversary. With about 100 of our closest family and friends. Because apparently, we don’t like to actually have fun.
Don’t get me wrong, parties are fun. I think we’re all looking forward to celebrating the inspiration that is my parents’ 50 years of marriage. It’s just that there’s a lot of prep involved. Planning a celebration, across two states, with a committee of three and a half (when you’re married for 50 years, you get to help plan your damn party) becomes a logistical situation. So it makes sense that we would all be away from our homes, our calendars, and all wifi, 24 hours prior to the event. What could possibly go wrong?
Since I put that in writing, I should have plenty to share with you upon our return. Unless some of us don’t return. Unless I kill someone(s.) Unless I run away. Far, far away from beaches and parties, sand and RSVPs, sunshine and sheet cakes.
Either way, pray for us.
I’d like to say that I’m making the sheet cake, but really? I’ll be lucky if I have enough time to pick it up from the bakery. But, if I were going to make it, I would serve this chocolatey, coconut-y, berry-liciousness from the Minimalist Baker.
GF Chocolate Cake
Ingredients
1 cup unsweetened plain almond milk
1 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar
4 flax eggs (4 T. flaxseed meal + 10 Tbsp water)
1 Tbsp baking soda
1/2 cup grape seed or canola oil
1/2 cup + 2 T. maple syrup or agave nectar
2/3 cup cane sugar (I subbed half with coconut sugar)
1 1/2 cups unsweetened applesauce
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup almond meal (finely ground from raw almonds)
1/2 cup gluten free oat flour (finely ground from raw oats)
1 1/2 cups gluten free flour blend
Coconut whipped cream and berries topping
2 14-ounce cans coconut cream (or full fat coconut milk), chilled overnight in the refrigerator
1 tsp vanilla extract
6-8 T. organic powdered sugar
1 cup fresh berries (strawberries, blueberries, blackberries)
Instructions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and butter three 8″ round cake pans (or line 24 muffin tins with paper liners). Dust pans with gluten free flour and shake out excess.
Measure out almond milk in a liquid measuring cup and add vinegar. Stir and let curdle while moving onto the next step.
Prepare flax eggs by mixing water with flaxseed meal in a large mixing bowl and let rest for 5 minutes.
Next, add baking soda to the almond milk/vinegar mixture and stir. Set aside.
Add the oil, cane sugar and maple syrup to the flax egg and beat/whisk to combine. Next add applesauce, vanilla, salt and beat/whisk to combine. Then add almond milk mixture and whisk again. Lastly, add baking powder, cocoa powder, almond meal, oat flour, gluten free flour and beat/whisk to combine, making sure no large clumps remain. If the batter appears too thick, add a touch more almond milk, but it should be perfect. It should resemble a semi-thick batter that’s pourable.
Divide batter evenly between the three prepared cake pans (or muffin tins). Bake cakes for 30-40 minutes (cupcakes for about 28-35 minutes) or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out completely clean and the edges appears dry. (Time will vary if you subbed ingredients, as well as depending on the size of your pans.)
Let cake rest in the pans for 15 minutes, then carefully run a butter knife along the edges and invert onto cooling racks. Let cool completely.
In the meantime, prepare your coconut whipped cream. Follow these instructions to make a double batch, sweetened to taste (I found 6-8 Tbsp to be the right amount). Set in the refrigerator to chill/firm up while cake cools completely.
NOTE: Assemble just before serving so the whipped cream doesn’t over-moisten the cake.
To assemble, lay down one cake bottom side up on a serving plate or cake stand. Spread on a semi-thick layer of coconut whipped cream and top with second cake, also bottom side up. Frost with another layer of coconut whipped cream. Carefully top with remaining cake (also bottom side up) and frost the top generously with remaining coconut whipped cream. (You may not use it all; the excess you can reserve for serving). Top with berries and serve immediately (or cover and chill in the refrigerator until serving).
Leftovers will keep covered with a cake stand or plastic wrap in the refrigerator for 2-3 days, though best when fresh. (The unfrosted cake will keep covered at room temperature for several days.)
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Laurie Nigro, is the mother of two biological children and one husband. She also takes care of a menagerie of animals that leave throw-up around for her to step in in the middle of the night. Laurie’s passionate about frugal, natural living, which is a nice way of saying she’s a kombucha-brewing, incense-burning, foodie freak who tries really hard not to spend money on crap made by child laborers. You can hear her rant about her muse (aka husband) and other things that have no bearing on your life, in this space each Sunday.
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