As someone who writes a weekly blog about marriage, family and whatever else may cross my mind, I find that I like to read other wife/mom blogs as well. The adult female experience, though varied, is fairly universal and we often take comfort in commiserating with other people who suffer through a lot of the same things that we do.
However, every once in a while, I disagree enough with the writer that I can’t let it go. I toss it around inside my overcrowded brain until I figure out why I found it so bothersome. This happened recently and as I worked it through, I realized that I didn’t actually disagree as much as I thought it was too one-sided…judgmental, even.
The blog was about women and our purported obsession with wine/drinking. What I was able to glean from her writing is that she believes that women are so oppressed and miserable that we’ve been convinced that drinking is the only way out. She says that society expects so much of women that we can’t possibly be all of those things and so we look for a break, a release of some sort, and find it in alcohol.
The writer is now sober but shared that she had been drinking a bottle (or more) of wine each night. By any definition, that’s a lot of drinking. I am very happy that she has been able to get out from under what sounds like an unhealthy problem. As a woman with an eating disorder, I know that you’re never “cured” and each day is another step away from your addiction and towards health and happiness. I commend her fighting spirit and totally understand her sensitivity towards anything alcohol-related. I even understand her perspective. However, I think her strong words have the ability to make women who do like a glass of wine feel bad or concerned about their choices.
Which, ironically, just makes a woman’s life harder.
Full disclosure: this girl likes her wine. And I regularly make jokes about drinking. “This is why I drink,” “My family is driving me to drink,” “Someone please pass the wine,” and so forth. In that, I totally agree with the writer. I talk about wine often. As a matter of fact, if I drank as much as I threatened to do, I am pretty sure it would be classified as alcoholism. But, just like I sometimes threaten to beat my children, it’s more an exasperated statement than a real thing that would actually happen. I can’t even kill a bug, let alone lay a hand on my kids. Yet, there is something inherent to mothering that causes me to say things to the contrary. Also, it takes 3 to 74 times of nicely asking my kids to do the dishes, for them to actually do them. Whereas, if I say, “Do the dishes or I will beat you with that filthy plate,” they react immediately.
I do see where she’s coming from. Most mom memes are about wine and its God-like properties. Because it’s funny. Imagine an ice cream truck turned into a wine truck, slowly rambling around the neighborhood playing girl-power tunes, women running out of their houses, cash flapping in their sweaty palms. It’s a super-hysterical image.
It does not, however, indicate that all women drink too much because our lives are too hard.
Listen, I am in total agreement that women deal with ridiculous double standards, unfair expectations, unequal pay, glass ceilings and rampant misogyny. To be honest, I didn’t even think that was a question. I spend far too much time, speaking to both my son and daughter about women’s issues, pointing out inequality and prompting them both to be a part of the change the world needs. But let’s be honest about drinking, there’s a reason it’s been around since pre-history. We, modern women, did not invent wine. It has a long and storied past. If I remember my Catholic upbringing correctly, wine even plays a fairly major role in the Bible. Just saying.
Alcohol, in general, has shaped history. From what feels like the beginning of time, booze of all varieties has been a part of deals, trades, exploration, and even war. From building civilizations to sterilizing wounds, we like to keep alcohol around, just in case. I mean, there wasn’t a lot of antibacterial soap available at Valley Forge, but I bet there was some booze that could serve in a pinch.
I have my own take on women and wine. I think we finally feel like it’s OK to talk about having a drink like men have been doing forever.
Instead of waiting at home, dinner on the table, drink at the ready for our working husband when he walks in the door, we can walk in our own damn door, kick off our heels and pour a big ole glass of wine. OK, so sometimes we need to wait until after we pick kids up from any of a wide variety of possible locations, but you get the idea.
For most of history, a woman with a drink in her hand was considered to be of questionable morality. Drinking women were considered loose, unfit, and blah, blah blah. It was pretty taboo to say, “I’m going to the bar with the girls.”
Our current ease with not only saying the above, but it being ok to say the above, is liberating. No, I’m not saying that a woman has to drink to be free; far, far from it. I am all about being happy with whatever choice a woman (or man, for that matter) makes towards her own happiness. Live and let live. All I’m saying is that associating women and drinking with another crutch that we need to believe that we’re OK is just another way to stigmatize and divide us.
The writer talks about being poolside at a hotel and a group of women coming in for a gathering of some sort. They were all talking about how they deserved the break, and the mimosas, for all they do, every day. She felt bad for them and was so glad she wasn’t a part of their party.
Well, I think that’s a damn shame. Anytime you have the opportunity to unwind with your sistafriends is a good time. Make the most of it, with or without a mimosa/glass of wine/insert drink here – no obligation, no baggage, (maybe even no bra and possibly even full-fledged pjs,) and certainly no woman looking on, judging you for your choices.
I thought about finishing with a drink recipe. But in deference to my gal pals that do not drink, and to any person who believes in the whole, “live and let live” thing, I’m providing a recipe for lavender lemonade.
Of course, if you want to dump a little whiskey in it, I won’t judge. Either way, rock on sister.
There are tons of recipes out there, but I like this one best because of the name. I have one or two amazing Amys in my life. Check out allrecipes.com for the original.
Amy’s Lavender Lemonade
Ingredients
1 tray ice cubes
1/4 cup dried lavender
2 cups boiling water
3/4 cup sugar or (1/2 cup honey)
8 lemons
5 cups cold water, or as needed
Directions
- Place ice cubes into a 2-quart pitcher.
- Place the lavender into a bowl, and pour boiling water over it. Allow to steep for about 10 minutes, then strain out the lavender and discard.
- Mix the sugar into the hot lavender water, then pour into the pitcher with the ice.
- Squeeze the juice from the lemons into the pitcher, getting as much juice as you can.
- Top off the pitcher with cold water, and stir.
- Taste, and adjust lemon juice or sugar if desired.
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Laurie Nigro, is the mother of two biological children and one husband. She also takes care of a menagerie of animals that leaves throw-up around for her to step in in the middle of the night. Laurie’s passionate about frugal, natural living, which is a nice way of saying she’s a kombucha-brewing, incense-burning, foodie freak who tries really hard not to spend money on crap made by child laborers. You can hear her rant about her muse (aka husband) and other things that have no bearing on your life, in this space each Sunday.
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